[<<] [>>] by Mark Gooding
22-24 Jul 2005 (AC)

The hoops were very firm therefore despite being on the wide side of 1/8" proved a challenge to all. The lawns were generally quite slow, except in patches, where they were very fast. These difficult conditioned meant that all (including Kirby) struggled, leading to some fairly close and scrappy matches. A number of players took advantage of this to beat stronger players with notable victories by Chris Hansen (Hcp 10 bt Hcp 2), Andrew Cottrell (Hcp 6 bt Hcp 0.5), and the tournament winner, Nick Butler (Hcp 3 bt Hcp -0.5).

Other notes:

• Peter feels the purporting to take croquet from a live ball should be a fatal error. Therefore, after correcting the error, he deemed his remaining stokes.
• Approximately 100 15-year olds descended on the Parks on Friday afternoon - to sit around a drink vodka. Keeping them off the courts was a challenge. Fortunately for them Russell could only play on Saturday & Sunday.
• Peter managed to lose by 1 after rushing his opponent onto the peg, having run though rover backward in order to hit it.
• Russell had his beer confiscated ("stolen" in his words) by a police woman on Saturday night.
• Eugene managed the only triple right at the end of the tournament with only his oppo (Guy) still around to see. (Well, that said, Russell saw it but wasn't conscious of what was going on!)
• Rain didn't stop play - although a number of players opted to leave early as they were soaked.
• Someone stole Guy's Danish pastries - and he was might miffed!
• The manager was forced to lose many handicap points in order not to win his own tournament - that's his excuse and he's sticking to it.
• Russell did so badly he informed us that none of the games would go on his handicap card so that he could pretend that the weekend didn't really happen.

Alternative Report

(by Russell Bretherton)
This was a tournament of mixed weather and unforgiving hoops.

Nick of Blewbury won the cup.

On a less happy note, the assistant manager fell victim to shocking police brutality when a female officer forced him to pour an almost full pint of beer into a dustbin on George Street. Thankfully he had the foresight to take note of his assailant's shoulder-badge number (425/24) and file a complaint upon arriving home at 3:30am. The incident is being dealt with at the highest level.

Eugene Chang of Bath completed the weekend's only triple.

An intensive police investigation is being held into the theft of two Danish pastries belonging to title holder Guy Towlson of Warwick. An arthritic dog belonging to Brigadier Michael Hague of Woking is being held for questioning.

The theft came to light when it was suggested that Swedish national and linguistics expert Peter Von Thompson when may have mistakenly eaten a Chicken & Ham sandwich when he ordered a Thai Chicken.

In a welcome return to tradition, the tournament featured no females apart from girlfriends and wives of the players. The weekend was expertly managed by assistant manager and trainee Methodist minister Bretherton of PG, with able assistance from manager Gooding of Oxford.

Results

Mark Gooding bt Richard Danby +7
Nick Butler bt Andrew Cottrell +8
Chris Hansen bt Peter Thompson +9
Nick Butler bt Roger Tribe +5
Mark Gooding by Peter Thompson +1
Peter Thompson bt Roger Tribe +9
Andrew Cottrell bt Richard Danby +3
Nick Butler bt Mark Gooding +16
Roger Tribe bt Richard Smith +14
Mark Gooding bt Eugene Chang +24
Peter Thompson bt Andrew Cottrell +1
John Spiers bt Russell Bretherton +6
Nick Butler bt Richard Smith? +12
Jonathan Kirby bt Guy Towlson +10
Mark Gooding bt Russell Bretherton +8
Roger Tribe bt Eugene Chang +18
John Spiers bt Peter Thompson +5
Richard Danby bt Michael Hague +?
Nick Butler bt Eugene Chang +8
Roger Tribe bt Guy Towlson +11
Richard Smith bt Andrew Cottrell +8
Jonathan Kirby bt Richard Danby +11
Russell Bretherton bt Michael Hague +24
Peter Thompson bt Nick Butler +19
Roger Tribe bt Mark Gooding +25
Guy Towlson bt John Spiers +2
Peter Tompson bt Richard Danby +8
Richard Smith bt Russell Bretherton +7
Eugene Chang bt Michael Hague +14
Andrew Cottrell bt Mark Gooding +10
Nick Butler bt John Spiers +11
Guy Towlson bt Peter Thompson +23
Andrew Cottrell bt Russell Bretherton +10
Eugene Chang bt Guy Towlson +16TP

Handicap Changes

Andrew Cottrell 6 -> 5
Nick Butler 3 -> 2.5